Flagstaff, AZ

On Wednesday, May 30th the United States Department of Justice on behalf of the Forest Service filed for a rehearing and appeal “en banc” in the case to protect the San Francisco Peaks in Northern Arizona. The 9th Circuit Court of Appeals previously ruled in favor of Native American tribes and environmental groups on the grounds that a proposed ski area development and expansion would violate the Religious Freedom Restoration Act and the National Environmental Policy Act.

The Peaks, which are held holy by more than 13 Native American Nations, have been at the center of a legal battle that has pitted tribes and environmental groups against the U.S. Forest Service and a small private ski area. The Arizona Snowbowl ski area has been attempting an expansion and snowmaking with treated sewage effluent on the sacred mountain. The US Forest Service, which leases the land to Snowbowl, approved the decision but was faced with lawsuits by the Navajo Nation, Hopi Tribe, Hualapai Tribe, the White Mountain Apache Tribe, the Yavapai-Apache Tribe, the Havasupai Tribe, the Sierra Club, the Center for Biological Diversity, and the Flagstaff Activist Network.

Info:
The Save the Peaks Coalition also has called for a demonstration on Monday, June 4th at the Coconino National Forest Service office in Flagstaff Arizona. The protest will be held from 11:30 am until 2:00 pm. The Forest Service office is located at 1824 S. Thompson St. (off of W. route 66, across the street from the Daily Sun).

This is a part of something much larger that I’ve been working on. I’ve talked to a lot of people about this topic. Most largely agree, but that says more about my friends than it represents any public opinion. I have been met with some resistance as well. How does that saying go? First they will hate you, then they will fight you, then they will accept you…..something like that.

There is one thing I know for sure, and I’ll echo the words of James Kunstler to say it: “We must imagine a future without cars.” And to echo Derrick Jensen, “we will be living sustainably one day, or we won’t be living at all.”

The trouble is, we don’t know how to live sustainably because our civilization has never been sustainable. As our culture has metastasized across the globe, it has destroyed, in whole or in part, everything in its path. We’ve never had to live sustainably on the planet because, in truth, we don’t really live here. We live in pop culture, and use it as a lens to experience the world; we live in cities and atop thick, seemingly indispensable, layers of concrete. We identify with products and fictional characters on television. We don’t have any relationship with the land, our food, or our nonhuman neighbors. We have forgotten that the land is primary. Both literally and figuratively, we separate ourselves from the real world. Our lives are far more complicated than they need to be. In truth, sustainability is an easy concept and that we still don’t “get it,” even with all the apocalyptic challenges we face, means that this separation is as oblique today as was a hundred years ago.

Every system from which our lives are structured (social, economic, industrial, religious, dietary…everything) must be conformed to the needs of the land or it is not, by definition, sustainable. At the very least, it shouldn’t mess up the land (to the point of inhabitability).

The negative affects of our way of life have been building significantly in recent years. I remember hearing about global warming when I was a kid, but it is only recently that it has been regarded as a legitimate term to describe our current situation. The urgency of our environmental dilemma is finally becoming a mainstream concern. Environmentalists are even getting some press! The wheels, I’m afraid, are not turning fast enough. Most people remain stuck in that fantastic dream-world that separates us from reality; one that has people believing that technology will save us, that somewhere, in some laboratory, there are genius scientists working ‘round the clock, figuring out ways to make everything we own and consume sustainable. Everything will be fine with a tall glass of technology, have some!

While there are a lot of people doing this work (Arizona State University is poised to open the nations first “school of sustainability” ironically, in Tempe, Arizona. And Ford just announced that one of their vice presidents, Susan Cischke, will be promoted to “senior vice president for sustainability, environment and safety engineering, ironically attaching sustainability to automobile production), and while I do believe in the majority of this work (that which does not lead us into denial), our culture is going about these problems in a way that distracts us from real possibilities. They also prohibit much needed discourse about the larger institutional details from which these problems are based.

Instead of asking, “how can we continue living the way we do in a sustainable way,” we should be thoughtfully considering what sustainability really means, and asking, “What aspects of our way of life can ever be sustainable?” “What needs to go, and what can stay?” To truly believe our current way of life can ever be sustainable is delusional, irresponsible and, frankly, dangerous.

Let me break down our dream world: have you ever accidentally turned your alarm clock off in the morning and, while dosing back to sleep, you imagine yourself going through your morning routine….you make coffee, brush your teeth, get dressed, and suddenly wake up and realize you’re late and haven’t accomplished anything? Our culture is in that dream-world: we are productive, we solve problems, we’re improving our future (won’t somebody please think of the children?!). Some day very soon, something terrible will happen that will shake us awake (something like Katrina, but instead of it only messing up a city and revealing institutional racism, it will be something catastrophic…like Waterworld catastrophic, or Children of Men catastrophic…you know what I’m talking about…). We will realize that everything we thought we were doing to address the problems we face has amounted to nothing and it will be too late. (I can see it now, “But I followed everything on Al Gore’s list at the end of An Inconvenient Truth!”).

During the last several years, there has been a lot of hullabaloo (I’ve been dying to use that word) about the need to make our automobiles more sustainable. Many of the new hybrids and the like are marketed as “green” vehicles and I have a big problem with this. The term “green” is a general claim that implies that the product or packaging has some kind of environmental benefit or that it causes no harm to the environment. There is currently no standard definition for the term “green,” and the way in which it is used is manipulative at best. It is, in actuality, a form of greenwashing, which is “disinformation disseminated by an organization so as to present an environmentally responsible public image or product.”

In short, industry knows that people are beginning to wake up and realize that our culture is destroying the planet. For far too long, people have bought into the idea that the only political power the public can wield is through their spending habits. So industry assuages our guilt by having us believe that the crap we continue to buy is actually good for the environment. Terms like “green,” “eco-friendly,” “organic,” and “sustainable” are being used to greenwash the public into believing our culture is turning around and putting the needs of the natural world first. This isn’t a conspiracy theory; it’s systematic. If nothing else, these terms are simply good marketing—a rhetorical response to public interest. If it suddenly became fashionable to wear lightening bug guts on your face, people would be out on the street sellin’ viles of mass-produced glowing bug guts and everyone would be buyin’; there would be lightening bug cartoons on all the stuff we buy.

My point is, the culture isn’t going to care how ridiculous or meaningless the fad is as long as it can be sold. If the only power we have is through what we choose to consume, the needs of the economic system remain first and that is exactly backwards and should not be confused as a move towards sustainability.

It’s increasingly embarrassing to have to say this, but automobiles are not and can never be made sustainable. “Green” vehicles that still have some carbon output should not be considered green. We still have a long way to go. Sure a Prius isn’t causing as much damage to the environment as a Hummer, but that doesn’t make it “good for the environment.” It’s like if a guy was kicking a dog to death and another guy is kicking and punching a dog to death. The dog ends up dead in both cases, it’s just that one method simply slows this process down, slightly.

The biggest question in sustainable discourse right now is, “how are we going to run our cars?” As each gasoline-replacement is examined to be inadequate, the question of alternative fuels will be seen as the distraction it is; a distraction that sidesteps the inherently unsustainable nature of the automobiles themselves. Forget the fuel question and consider plastics, tires, concrete, production, maintenance, disposal, and even roadkill. Think of all the details and materials necessary for all these systems to function (roadkill isn’t a system…). There is nothing sustainable about car culture (and frankly, I’d rather eat corn than burn it in my gas tank).

Much of the following information can be read more in depth in “The Road to Environmental Ruin,” a chapter in Jane Holz Kay’s Asphalt Nation.

Total Life Pollution
In the mid-1990’s, researchers at the Environment and Forecasting Institute in Heidelberg, Germany, calculated the total pollution output of an average German family car (about the size of a Ford Escort) in each stage of its life. Typically, when we’re talking about emissions, we’re talking about the middle-stage of the automobiles life. We don’t normally think about the energy and pollution necessary for the car’s production and disposal. They concluded that before the vehicle even left the plant, the car-to-be had produced 29 tons of waste and 1,207 million cubic yards of polluted air. During it’s life on the road (85k miles) it pumped another 1,330 million cubic yards of polluted air into the atmosphere and disseminated 40 pounds of worn bits of road surface, tire, and brake debris on the highway. Disposal, the last step in the cars life, produced 133 million cubic yards of pollution. If we’re talking percentages, 33 percent of the cars total pollution output is released during production, 60 percent during it’s stint on the road, and 7 percent during it’s disposal. It’s important also to note that automobiles in America are much bigger and the U.S. doesn’t have the kind of sophisticated recycling facilities for automobile disposal that Germany does. So per capita, our numbers would be much worse.

Tires
Tires contain an average of 2 and a half gallons of oil each. That’s why they burn so well. When they burn, as they often do when pilled by the millions, they foul the air for hundreds of miles, and pollute the water with zinc and heavy metals. After the fire, lead and cadmium remain on the ground, seeping into the soil when it rains. Trashed at a rate of roughly one per vehicle each year (in the mid-nineties, when this information was collected….no doubt it is more than this now), tires actually pollute before they’re junked. Spinning on asphalt, each tire loses a pound of rubber every year and the small grains rise to the sky, filtering into our lungs and waterways.

Concrete
Slowly but surly, we’re covering every pavable surface with concrete, which makes the title of this blog more literal than figurative. Over 38.4 million acres of roads and parking lots accounts for more land devoted to driving our cars than producing our homes. In the wilderness we lay 370,000 miles of road on just the Forest Service’s 300,000 square miles, more than a mile of road per square mile of wooded wilderness…disrupting habitats and abets erosion. These numbers, of course, rise every day. The numbers, also, don’t account for repaving and general maintenance of roads.

Roadkill
Beyond covering wild habitat and disseminating pollution, roads should also be considered lethal corridors. Currently, hundreds of animals go extinct every single day; roads split up wild habitat and speed this process up. “The principal cause of death of southern Florida’s endangered American crocodile is the car.” According to the Environmental Defense Fund, “The most devastating environmental crisis of the turn of the millennium, second only to global warming, is the destruction of wild and rural habitat—and the automobile is the main culprit in that rout” (writes Jim Armstrong in Orion). A silent killer of the road, one that isn’t mentioned often, is the debris of automobile use on the road. Salt, brake linings, anti-freeze and other poisonous fluids like oil and coolants, scatter across the highways and slide off the road into the earth.

It is for these reasons and many more that the automobile will not characterize a sustainable future. People will not stop driving; that’s for sure. Perhaps hybrids and the like should be marketed as a transition to a no-car culture. Investing in our once great railroad system would be an even better transition (we wouldn’t even need to build a lot more track; the train should just stop more…).

A “no-emissions” vehicle is a fantasy and the public needs to wake up. It took me a while to wake up to this reality. I love cars and I love driving them. Cars represent the spirit of the independent American culture that characterize both the good and the bad of who we are. There was a time in my life when I knew the make and model of every car on the road. I had posters (when I was a kid); I dreamed of owning a ’68 Shelby Cobra. There is no other country in the world that has made cars as “cool” as the United States. Would rockabilly exist without the automobile? “Bicycle Sally” would not have been a great Eric Clapton song, that’s for sure. Still, I think it’s time we begin “uncooling” the automobile. The muscle cars that are still being produced—the Mustang, the Charger…etc.—should be revealed to be as lame as they are: symbolic exploitations of constructed male masculinity produced by car culture. Still, there is something deep inside me that fantasizes about driving them.

But you know what? They’re not worth it; they’re killing everything, not to mention the 40 million people who are killed on the road each year. I was almost one of them a few months ago. I remember thinking, when I got out of the smoking vehicle, in the rain, in the middle of the desert, “what the hell are we doing in these death traps?”

Cars were fun while they lasted, but I think it’s time for all of us to sit back and simply admit that we were wrong; that car culture was and continues to be a mistake. We’ve structured our lives around the automobile. Many people in the U.S. absolutely need a car to survive, but deindustrialization is the only path towards true sustainability. We need to think about progress differently, at least in a way that puts the needs of the natural world (and us) above the needs of our economic systems.

We can work together to restructure our lives around our communities, our families, and the land that makes life possible (and beautiful). It is, in actuality, a matter of life and death. The discourse surrounding sustainability has us trying to come up with an answer to: “how can we preserve car culture, sustainably?” Well the answer, evidently, is, we can’t. Automobiles are just machines, machines that pollute heavily, but allow us to get from point A to point B much faster. During the last 100 years, we’ve let these machines define who we are, where we live, and how we perceive our independence. We’re better than that; for over 12 thousand years, we’ve been better than that. We will be there again some day and right now the only question is, what will be left of the world when we get there?

I should be finishing up my thesis, but it’s been hella-nice outside. The rock & roll kids are playing kick ball down the street; I’ve been reading on the patio and gardening all afternoon. Friends have been having barbeques left and right; it really feels like summer now.

Andrea from CSA gave me some great tips on gardening and info on what plants grow well here. So far, my roommates and I have seedlings for bell, habanero (Word doesn’t know this pepper exists, evidently), and jalapeno peppers, eggplant (which I think is gross), three kinds of tomatoes, asparagus, onions, parsley, basil, and cilantro. My roommate has planted seeds for chamomile, Echinacea, spinach, and green beans and I’ve planted sweet corn. The last average “frost date” around Flagstaff is June 15, so as of right now, most of our plants are in buckets or pots so we can move them inside if we anticipate a frost. Once the seeds have grown and begin to look like they can handle a life outside of our proverbial teats, we’ll put’em in the ground.

Even though I haven’t been able to help lately because of the back injury, The Noise has a few plots in the Southside Community Garden as a summer project. It’s kinda Natasha’s writing project (in fact, I think she’s there right now), but I plan on stopping by soon to see what they’ve done with out me, and figure out the best way I can contribute. I plan on contributing some of the plants that will grow from the seeds I’ve just planted at home.

I have to say, after months and months of reading, writing, and staring at a computer, it feels really good to play in the dirt. My thesis will be done by Friday if it kills me.

My next post, which I’ve been working on, will be an anti-automobile manifesto. I might turn it into my column for the July edition if I don’t explore some other ideas popping around in my head. As for now, I’m going to go play outside some more.

To continue with the exhibition of what I am now referring to as my “twisted metal series,” here is another montage of another accident. This one, however, happened a few months ago.

It was March 22, 2007, just after 6pm. It had been raining all day and the needed precipitation smelled good. I had just passed Cherry Rd., the one that goes to Prescott, and it started coming down really hard. Though I was already running a little late, I decided to slow down a little (a little…from 78 to 65). I was supposed to pick up Chris and Andy from the airport, drive them back to Flagstaff, and we were to hike to Havasupai Falls the next morning, early. That was the plan.

I was in the fast lane, which I shouldn’t have been, but my visibility was less than great so I figured the best thing I could do is stay where I was. My green tea was still hot even though I was half way to Phoenix. I remember taking a sip and, with my left eye, I saw the bridge up ahead. There are small bridges all over 17; they are built over washes mostly. There were large headlights changing lanes behind me, going around me.

I was halfway over the bridge when the semi blew past me, going 85…no, 95, no, 195 miles an hour. I have no idea how fast it was going, but I know I was going 65 because I was cruisin’. I could literally hear and feel the water rush beneath the car. The back end wiggled very slightly, like if I were parked and someone tied their shoe with their foot on my back bumper. The back end of the semi was still next to me; to my left was the guardrail and whatever might lurk beneath that. Immediately the fish tailing got worse. I had no idea how big the wash was, how long the drop would have been. The end of the bridge was drawing closer and I knew I was going to crash. I was listening to this album, and I haven’t listened to it since…

I remember thinking how lame it would be to die in a car. I didn’t want to die in a car, but I knew the crash was going to be bad. I was totally out of control and I knew it. I couldn’t see anything.

Hydroplaning sounds like the ocean. I used to have an alarm clock that has nature sounds. One of the options was “ocean;” when the alarm goes off, the nature sounds get progressively louder and after a few minutes it sounds like a tidal wave or something. That’s what it sounded like.

I closed my eyes, but I knew the car was sideways, which meant I was past the bridge. I put my head down and gripped the steering wheel as hard as I could, thinking of bloody head injuries. I had no idea what was coming; I just waited for the impact.

It came from behind, hard. Music off. The car kept spinning, ricocheting off the side of a mountain, rocks churning beneath me. There was a less severe impact on the front and that’s where the car stopped. I opened my eyes and saw the smoke, the mountain. I looked down at myself, looking as much with my hands as with my eyes. I was totally and completely fine. I have no idea why, but nothing was wrong with me whatsoever. The car was totaled. I had 8 payments left.

Many of the contents of my trunk were on (in?) the road. As I rescued my tent from the highway, I suddenly remembered the quarts of green and tan paint, which had spattered all over the road. I was so happy to be alive, I wanted to finger-paint right there on the highway. Cars started to come, cars started to stop. It was still raining. I met a lot of nice people who couldn’t believe I was as okay as I was. Some people let me wait for the law in their suburban; they actually ended up giving me a ride to Phoenix (my friends rented a car and we went back up together). It took about 45 minutes for DPS to come. An ambulance stopped by (happened to stop by on their way back from some other accident), but I refused their services (I was fine, and that’s expensive). They seemed bummed and left. DPS finally showed and they gave me a ticket because I didn’t have my new insurance card with me. I was pissed and speechless. We took off and let them wait for the toe truck.

…got up the next morning at 5 and hiked 10 miles in the desert.

All week long, I’ve seen scores of American youth in their Sunday best walking all over campus. They gather at the Dome each evening for some kind of festivity. Each parking lot on the south side of campus is littered with church buses of all shapes and sizes. Boys: shirt and tie; women: long dresses and impractical shoes.

Yesterday, I was downtown and a very nice lady came up to me with what looked like a wad of bills. She handed me one, smiled, and said, “check it out.” I looked down and realized it was a million dollar bill. I shoved it in my pocket and told her she made my day. It wasn’t until today that I really looked at it. Along the edges it reads:

“The million-dollar question: Will you go to heaven? Here’s a quick test. Have you ever told a lie, stolen anything, or used God’s name in vain? Jesus said, “Whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Have you looked with lust? Will you be guilty on Judgment Day? If you have done those things, God sees you as a lying, thieving, blasphemous, adulterer-at-heart. The Bible warns that if you are guilty you will end up in Hell. That’s not God’s will. He sent His Son to suffer and die on the cross for you. Jesus took your punishment upon Himself: “God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” Then He rose from the dead and defeated death. Please, repent (turn from sin) today and trust in Jesus, and God will grant you everlasting life. Then read your Bible daily and obey it.

Just after pausing to say, “what the crap?” I notice the website and thought I’d check it out. It’s run, apparently, by an evangelist school. They had a quiz I could take that determines whether or not I’m a good person. Because I have spent oh so many nights awake with this question, I decided to take it.

Basically it goes through the 10 Commandments, explaining—with quotes from the Bible—exactly what each commandment means. Then the test taker is supposed to click one of two boxes, Guilty or Innocent. At the bottom is a disclaimer that reassures test takers that answers are not being recorded. Phew. I can see it now: the Patriot Act becomes particularly useful in determining who has been breaking which commandments. This should make everything run a little more smoothly as they begin rounding up dissidents.

Many of the questions are troubling, but particularly problematic upon close rhetorical analysis (which says a lot more about my social life than I want it to…). Here is an example.

#6. You shall not murder.
Jesus warned “Whoever is angry with his brother without cause, is in danger of judgment,” (Matthew 5:22) and the Bible says, He who hates his brother is a murderer,” (1 John 3:15). God sees hatred in the heart to be as wicked as murder. We can violate His law by attitude and intent.

Evangelists are propagandists, and many are very good at what they do. With a few tricks, they can promote hatred and call it love, make people ashamed of their own thoughts and feelings, and justify nearly anything and call it holy. This a good example to tear apart. There are two quotes from the Bible used to justify the claim that God sees hatred and murder as one in the same (though, towards the end, I’ll rant about how messed up I think that is).

For some people, it might be worthwhile to simply point out that they quotes were taken from two separate books of the Bible and, therefore, were written by two different people. That might make the claim immediately bogus to some, but not to those who believe the Bible is the word of God. That argument functions only evade the rhetoric used to make the claim in the first place. If you look closely, (1) the quotes aren’t even saying the same thing, though the evangelist claims they are and (2) as they are used, actually mean the opposite of what is claimed.

The first quote, with the phrase, “without cause,” makes it seem like it would be okay to hate someone as long as you’ve got a cause…and everyone who hates anyone has a cause for it whether it is rational or not….and whether or not one’s experience of the world renders an understanding of rationality the same way that the Christian God does. But I digress. Conflating this quote, therefore, with the quote, “He who hates his brother is a murderer,” is just plain dangerous. If hatred is presumably acceptable “with cause,” and hate is “just as wicked as murder,” than one can easily move to believe that murder is acceptable as long as there is a cause.

Of course I don’t think murder and hatred are the same thing. I think hatred is as natural an emotion as love or happiness or depression or aggression. I think people cope much better if hatred is confronted and accepted, and scary weird things happen when you pretend everything’s super when it’s not. The point is, nearly any world-view can be justified by selectively choosing quotes from the Bible and it’s manipulative to push one interpretation on another, especially the young kids I’ve seen walking on campus. I could continue writing pages upon pages examining each question. See for yourself.

Just got in….a little tipsy, thanks to a few beers and Emmett’s prickly pair vodka (tasty); and my ears are still ringing, thanks to xbxrx; and I still stink, thanks to sweaty bodies in a cramped basement.

I bought a copy of their new LP; inside the sleeve was the following note from Poly Vinyl Records:

“Thank you for purchasing vinyl…we take pride in making quality vinyl records and appreciate your purchasing one of them. As a token of our appreciation, we are giving you a complete digital download of this album as well. So, buy the vinyl for home listening and enjoy the download on-the-go.”

Then it goes on to provide a download code redeemable at their website. How cool is that? Here I was weirded out to pay 10 bucks for a record when I’m used to paying between 5 and 7 bucks. This totally makes it worthwhile and I hope othe record companies fall in line.

Unfortunately, I already have this record on CD and therefore I’m giving away the download to the first person that wants it. The album is really good.

xbxrx, “Wars” album, free digital download….who wants it? Holler and you too could be dancing in your underwear while your roommates are sleeping. I’ve told you too much already….if you want, trades are accepted!

If you want it, be the first to comment…otherwise, people might keep bugging me about it after I’ve given it away. And that’s awkward.

CERRON GRANDE RESERVOIR, El Salvador

An artificial lake in El Salvador brimming with sewage and industrial waste is mystifying scientists by attracting thousands of migratory and sea birds.

Built in 1974 to drive El Salvador’s biggest hydroelectric project, the 33,360-acre Cerron Grande reservoir collects some 3,800 tons of excrement each year from the sewage pipes, as well as factory run-off and traces of heavy metals like chromium and lead, the government estimates.

So scientists are puzzling over the fact that some 150,000 seabirds from more than 130 species have chosen to make the reservoir their home. At least 90 of the species are migratory birds arriving from as far away as Alaska.

I know I usually leave the music up to robothouse, but I wanted to underscore the hyper-radness of xbxrx and especially their new album, Wars, which has remained spining in my cd player since I got it weeks ago. This album, in this blogger’s opinion, is way better than their last one, Sixth in Sixes. Though that album was great for bike riding–not crashing though–nothing is good for that. Maybe xbxrx will sell beer-coozies like Red Fang (another fantastic band) did last week…as if pbr can get any more punk rock. Yeah! ..Oh.

Here is a sample: Center Where Site

xbxrx w/
this runs on blood
anomic suicide

@ inner beach

7-10pm

Nearly a quarter century has passed since Mumia Abu-Jamal was convicted and sentenced to die for the murder of Philadelphia police officer Daniel Faulkner, and in that time his case has become perhaps the world’s most closely watched death penalty case.

In December 2001, a federal judge overturned Abu-Jamal’s death sentence due to confusing jury instructions, but upheld his conviction.

Now, in an appeal to the 3rd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, prosecutors are asking that the death sentence be reinstated and Abu-Jamal’s lawyers are asking for an entirely new trial, arguing that the conviction must be overturned because there is evidence that prosecutors improperly struck black jurors in his 1982 trial.

You’re looking at the lower right side of my back….

I’m usually a pretty quick healer; that’s why I think something is wrong. I’ve got an appointment to have it looked at tomorrow at 7:45am. This bike accident happened over a week ago and I don’t think, under normal conditions, that it should be this swollen still. The abrasion is healing fine; you can even tell that I’ve been pickin’ at it. I’m more concerned with the swollen part just below. I can’t even sleep without popping a couple ibuprofens.

After talking to some friends and searching the Internet, it could be one of several things:
a. nothing…and I should quit bitching
b. a fractured or chipped bone, but it doesn’t hurt that bad
c. a bruised kidney, though my insides are working fine.
d. a slipped or ruptured disc
e. an alien life-form that implanted itself in my back upon impact

UPDATE: hematoma: a mass of usually clotted blood that forms in a tissue, organ, or body space as a result of a broken blood vessel….or in my case, because it is so huge, it was a busted artery. We took an x-ray just in case and it came back clean. I got some pain meds and I was told that all the blood would slowly start reabsorbing, which could take several weeks. 

I know a lot of you had your fingers crossed, hoping it would be an alien. Sorry to disappoint.   

Just got back from AZ Bikes; my new fork isn’t in yet. Maybe this is for the better.